| C-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e |
[Nov. 25th, 2009|10:59 pm] |
Hi, my name is H and I am addicted to chocolate.
That's right, folks, chocolate is my biggest vice. I've done rather well at cutting out unnecessary snacking and reducing my crisp intake. I have officially failed the resistance to chocolate challenge.
As previously stated, I am on a quest to hit 12 stone in weight, hopefully before my brother's wedding. At the beginning of said quest, I needed to lose 2 stone 7lb. I have now lost 10lb, which means I have another 1st 13lb to go. The wedding is in 18 weeks. If I lose 2lb a week I will make my target.
But...
My name is Hayley and I am addicted to chocolate. I need to beat this addiction, exercise some more will power, and remember that Christmas is not an excuse to buy bumper levels of chocolate if I want to reach my goal.
Tomorrow is weigh in day, and I am a little bit worried. Food consumption has not been greatly circumspect over the last couple of weeks, and I fear I may have put weight on as a result. Mind you, I thought that last week, and yet won loser of the week, so who knows.
The next few weeks are going to be tricksy; lots of birthdays, Christmas and New Year. Will power will be at a premium.
If I fit in a size 14 dress for the wedding, it will be worth it.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
|
|
|
| If music be the food of love, play on... |
[Nov. 24th, 2009|09:15 pm] |
I may have mentioned (a few thousand times) that my brother is getting married at the end of March. This is an exciting event on many levels; he is my only brother, and fis fiancée is absolutely amazing, and part of the family already.
When they started planning their wedding, they asked me to play the flute when they signed the register. Naturally I was extremely touched, and said yes. And promptly discovered that arrangements for solo flute that don't sound like dirges, studies or regimental marches, are not as common as you might think!
Fortunately, after I loudly bemoaned the dearth of flute music in a major key, H and J bought a CD of wedding music and selected some flute pieces they liked.
We had a listen through this evening, and established a clear winner. I downloaded sheet music and accompaniment and now have 4 months to achieve perfection. I want to memorise the music, for added professionalism, so there is a lot of practicing in my future.
Did I mention I'm also providing the incidental music in photo time?!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
|
|
|
| Live long and prosper |
[Nov. 4th, 2009|07:12 pm] |
I have a week of Annual Leave this week, which is interesting. I am entitled to 27 days off every year. This is considerably less than if I worked in a school, but I get paid significantly more, so it's really a case of swings and roundabouts.
I actually find the whole holiday taking thing quite difficult. I love having time away from work, but all the time I'm off I worry about returning to work. That's PAD for you - highly irrational and deeply irritating.
I am having a fabulous time, though, although I am not getting the lovely long lie-ins I was hoping for! On average I have been up and dressed earlier this week than I am for work.
The reason for this answers to Bel (or Noah). The children are spending 4 days with Grandma this week while Mummy is working, and the draw of 'Aunt'ayley' is rather strong. Thus it is that on arrival my beloved niece rousts me from my bed and insists on eating cheerios at 8 in the morning.
Going less well is the diet - being at home makes it really hard to stick to the plan! I am dreading weigh-in tomorrow as I have not been terribly restrained this week! That said, I haven't pigged out to a major level, so hopefully it won't be too disastrous!
-- Posted from my iPhone
|
|
|
| Someone call the diet police... |
[Oct. 18th, 2009|08:07 pm] |
I joined Weight Watchers on Wednesday. Well, I joined WW online, actually, but it's the same principle.
I'm not fearsomely fat. I am clinically overweight, though, and I want to shed the extra pounds before my brother's wedding at the end of March. Hence WW.
I'm not sure that it was the most genius plan I ever had, though. I've been very unsettled on the panic and anxiety side recently, and it seems that I may have hang ups about the points values of food. That said, I don't want to give up just yet - it may just be another outlet for anxiety from a different cause.
I recently started working in a new role. Same hospital, but more hours and more money per hour. The job is also probably more interesting and more challenging than my old job. It has a lot to recommend it.
The problem is, I'm on an extended induction period and it is making me antsy. This is not helped by the fact that I lack a workstation of my own. I am currently very much in limbo, and it's unsettling.
I am pretty sure I'll skip dinner tonight because I'm feeling rather uneasy about work tomorrow. Because of the whole WW thing this means I am hungry. Fortunately we had dinner at lunchtime, so it could have been a lot worse.
I get frustrated that I don't have more control over this. You'd think that losing weight would be a positive goal. But freaking out over a kitkat is not positive. You'd think, given how much potential my job has, I would be able to deal with the lack of workstation. But panicking three Sundays in a row is not such a good thing, either.
Things are not as dire as they have been in the past, but I'm scared. I'm scared that this feeling will never go away. And the fear is making everything worse. I suspect, though, that as with all things panic related, I will have to continue to live with it.
Perhaps I need Prozac...
-- Posted from my iPhone
|
|
|
| So much to say, so little time... |
[Oct. 12th, 2009|11:25 pm] |
Does anyone else compose blog posts throughout the day and then forget all about them when they can actually write stuff down, or is that just me?
Today I found a guinea pig called Fuzzipeg, and mourned the fact that I cannot add him to my pig family. I'm sure Sooty and Sweep would love a baby brother but Grandma and Gramps do not want a baby grandpig. Fuzzipeg is a rescue pig, and has been neutered, lest you think I've lost my mind. He is gorgeous and I am very sad that acquiring him has been vetoed!
I adore my baby pigs (technically they are adults, but they'll always be my babies). I got them on a whim whilst feeling broody, but they are just wonderful. There is nothing like having a cuddle with one of them go cheer me up, and I find them particularly helpful when I'm on edge - they really calm me down.
I have to say, both Sooty and Sweep have lovely temperaments. I have never been bitten and they are incredibly sociable. Sweep will even put up with my one year old nephew poking her (we are working on his gentle skills).
When I increase my pig family (and this *is* going to happen) I will be going to a rescue. I cannot understand how people can abandon their pets - I would be devastated if anything happened to mine. I am particularly frustrated when parents get animals for their young children and then get rid of said animals when the child loses interest. When you become a pet owner you take on a commitment, and that commitment should be honoured.
The great thing about my baby pigs is that they love me unconditionally. They deserve the same.
-- Posted from my iPhone
|
|
|
| What is this panic of which you speak |
[Oct. 9th, 2009|09:58 pm] |
There are myriad problems associated with panic and anxiety disorder. The first is that I suffer from it. Believe me, I wish I didn't!
I work in a hospital. Every time I change role (and at present this appears to be every 8 - 9 months) I have to go through an Occupational Health clearance. Every time I fill in the form and state that I have PAD. Every time they ask me what that means (and I don't use the acronym on the form, either.
Over the years, lots of people have told me about how they have had panic attacks. It seems though that definitions differ from person to person. For me, the experience often involves nausea/vomiting, a desire for death, depression and despair. I don't eat and can't sleep. At one point, panicking ruled my life.
Nowadays things are much better controlled due to a variety of factors. Partly it is because I am older, and have had more of an opportunity to practise dealing with these episodes. Partly it is due to several bouts of counselling. And I'm fairly sure that medication plays a huge part in allowing me to lead a normal life.
On a daily basis I take Citalopram. I have taken this since I was 16. I'm 24 now, which means I've been drugged up for a third of my life. That's a scary statistic.
I was very reluctant to start on anti-depressants; primarily because I didn't want to be dependent on drugs but also because I do NOT have depression. Citalopram is an anti-depressant bit it is also an anxiolytic, which is how it ended up on my prescription.
Initially I was prescribed 20mg once a day. By my second year at university that dose had reduced to 8mg daily. I made the fatal mistake of trying to wean off the drugs too soon and too quickly. By the time I graduated I was taking 40mg daily, and continued to do so until recently. Currently I am taking 20mg, but I have had a couple of episodes recently and may need to uptitrate to 30mg.
I also take Stelazine when I have anxiety attacks. These are 1mg tablets and I can take as many as I need. The drug can be used in vast quantities for scizophrenics; you can imagine how joyous that made me!
I wish there was a 'cure' for this condition. I wish it did not impact so greatly on my life and that of my family. The fact of the matter is, though, this is who I am. I have to accept that and move on.
It's not easy, though. I worry about the future - should I not have children of my own in case they suffer too? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy (if I had one - and I don't). Will I ever have a family of my own - who would fall in love with someone who feels like a deranged lunatic on occasion? There are so many unknowns, and they feed the beast.
For all that, though, life must go on. I may eat sparingly for a few days following an episode. I may stay closer to home. But gone are the days when I would not eat or leave the house, and I'm glad for that. Life must go on, and there is light at the end of the tunnel, if only a pinprick on occasion.
|
|
|
| Overworked, Overbooked and Underpaid |
[Sep. 26th, 2009|12:44 pm] |
I am currently sitting on a bus. I *was* at work, typing for my old department for 2.5 hours. I will have to return to work later to do the rest of the typing (and printing and filing) but I had to leave because - well, when I agreed to work today I forgot about the haircut booked for 2pm. After said haircut I am going to my niece and nephew's family birthday party. Said party was not occurring today when I agreed to work today. It was scheduled for last Sunday, but NG was sick and it was postponed.
So, I am preparing for a late night at work, or working on Sunday. I can't really leave it; it's overtime, but the problem with working at a hospital is that leaving things undone means delaying patients, and I don't want to do that.
Ah well, at least I shan't be bored!
-- Posted from my iPhone
|
|
|
| Exercise induced euphoria |
[Sep. 23rd, 2009|10:06 pm] |
I did it. I rejoined the gym. I tried the wii fit (love it, but space constraints have limited its use), I tried dieting (hated it, and my relationship with food is not the greatest at the best of times) and am reverting to the tried and tested.
This time, though, success might actually get a look in - I have taken out couple's membership with my brother's fiancée. We have agreed to attend at least three times a week and she is going to teach me how to swim!
We are going for a swim tomorrow, and will take things from there. We are hoping to join some classes and are due to have our gym induction on 4th October.
It may yet be that I do not have a tummy by the time the wedding comes around! We have six months! Wish me luck!
-- Posted from my iPhone
|
|
|
| Another day, another dollar |
[Sep. 6th, 2009|10:44 pm] |
I start my new job tomorrow. I'm feeling quite nervous, actually. It's a good job - a promotion of sorts, but I'm scared I'll get it wrong! That's the problem with working in a hospital - getting something wrong can mean the difference between life and death. It's especially true of my new job, because I am moving to Cancer Services.
I know that I will enjoy this job more than the Support Secretary I was until Friday - it's more of a challenge and will be more intellectually demanding. That makes me happy.
Less happily, I do not currently have a desk/workstation. This does not fill me with joy. I am also quite concerned that I am shadowing someone this week and then doing their job next week. I'm good, but am I that good?!
I want to succeed in this job. In fact, it's the impetus for me to learn to drive, because the hours are irregular at times and I will sometimes need to work off site.
I'm looking forward to my new job, but I'm scared too. And, justified though first day nerves are, I could happily live without them!
-- Posted from my iPhone
|
|
|
| A new challenge |
[Sep. 3rd, 2009|09:22 pm] |
This evening I finally did it. I applied for a provisional driving license. After six years of putting it off, I am going to learn to drive. Heaven help us all!
I am inclined to go on an immersion course - two weeks to learn everything, that kind of thing - as I am dubious as to how well I would fare on an hour a week. Also, I want fast results: I'm ab overachiever; it's what I do.
Currently what I know about driving would fit in a shoe box. This is distressing, but can be rectified.
At the ripe old age of 10 I failed my cycling proficiency by driving on the wrong side of the road. Please let this endeavour be more successful!
|
|
|
| What's on Wednesday |
[Sep. 2nd, 2009|11:27 pm] |
Wednesdays are 2 for 1 at the cinema, and thus myself, my sisters and two of their friends found ourselves once again at the odeon, this time to see 500 Days of Summer.
The film has a five star rating, so naturally I did not think it was as satisfying as The Proposal, which apparently only warranted two stars.
To be fair, right at the outset the film declares that it's *not* a love story. In fact, it is a new breed of film, according to my sister - the anti-rom com.
I don't want to ruin the story for anyone, so I won't go into plot details. Suffice to say that the film is good - lots of laugh out loud moments, and look out for the poster over the photocopier -but it left me feeling distinctly insatisfied. The plot didn't do it for me - maybe it was too realistic? I didn't quite get the escapism I was hoping for. I guess it's a bit like ordering a mcdonalds quarter pounder meal and getting a hamburger. The key ingredients are there, but it's not the same.
I will say the cinematographically this is a work of art, and the story is very clever. It is worth seeing, but don't go in with expectations - they may not be met.
-- Post From My iPhone
|
|
|
| Tea for Tuesday |
[Sep. 1st, 2009|11:31 pm] |
It's late, and I'm tired (mayhap I started making a card too late this evening) but I am trying to blog daily, and I couldn't pass up the chance to share my afternoon tea experience.
It was my birthday on Sarurday, but my brother and his fiancée were not around to celebrate as they were in gay Paris, as part of *his* birthday present. Because birthdays are important, we agreed to celebrate today instead, by going out for afternoon tea.
The house in the picture is Chilston Park, and just so happens to be the venue of the forthcoming wedding. Part of the point of today was for my sisters and me to check the place out.
It truly is a spectacular venue for a wedding - it's a Grade I listed building, so you know it's pretty special! The huge portraits of ladies and gentlemen from times gone by were pretty impressive too (although unfortunately placed; mum inadvertantly leaned against one, much to our concern)!
Afternoon tea itself was a lovely affair - they did not offer Iced Tea, which made me sad, but they did have Earl Grey, my tea of choice, so all was not lost. There was a selection of sandwiches (ham and mustard, salmon, cuecumber and egg mayonnaise), a selection of cakes, and the quintessential scone with clotted cream and jam. Yummy! I would have liked more sandwiches and less cake, but I forewent lunch, which may explain this. All the sweets were freshly baked and very tasty.
I have to admit, I was very impressed with the service and I'm looking forward to the wedding (7 months to go).
I think my sister had the right idea, though - no way am I wearing my pretty dress on the drive over; squuezing 3 adults in the back of a small Ford is not likely to preserve the freshness of one's attire!
|
|
|
| Make it up Monday |
[Aug. 31st, 2009|12:45 pm] |
I have a large family. At last count, each year I will send out 15 birthday cards, 2 anniversary cards and assorted others. That's just for immediate family -add in friends and colleagues, and we could keep Hallmark in business.
Several years ago, my mum decided that it would be cheaper to make our own cards, and since that time I can count the number of cards that I have purchased on one hand. Whether it is cheaper or not, I don't know, but it is a lot of fun and much more personal.
Recently my aunt and cousins moved house, and the picture is of the 'new home' card I made.
I started out with a piece of A4 card, which I folded in half and cut into a house shape.
To make the roof I traced the house shape on to red paper and then used wavy scissors to get the scalloped effect. I stuck this to the card and trimmed to size.
The windows started out as rectangles of brown card and squares of pale blue which I stuch on in an appropriate pattern. I decorated one window by drawing in a vase of flowers with glaze pens. The curtains and blinds were made from scraps of patterned paper.
I cut the door from the same red paper as the roof and used a white glaze pen to write New Home. I drew on the doorknob with felt tipped pen.
I coloured the entirety of the bottom of the card using a green felt tipped pen, using a darker green to add detail, and drew on flowers, again using glaze pens.
Using a craft knife I cut the fence from very thin brown card and stuck in on using a glue stick.
Voila, one new home card!
-- Post From My iPhone
|
|
|
| Never trust anything that can think for itself if you cannot see it's brain - J K Rowling |
[Aug. 30th, 2009|07:57 pm] |
The advent of the iPhone is, I suspect, going to get me back into blogging (at which I have sucked right royally for quite some time). I am now able to blog anywhere, thanks to this app - and for the princely sum of £1.59.
I will be redesigning my blog in the next few days, and hopefully posting with some degree of frequency.
Heaven help us all!
-- Post From My iPhone
|
|
|
| Happy Easter! |
[Apr. 12th, 2009|10:00 am] |
Sooty, Sweep and I wish you all a very Happy Easter! |
|
|
| When it snows, you have two choices: shovel or make snow angels” Anon. |
[Feb. 2nd, 2009|07:32 pm] |
There has been much snow today. Great quantities of snow, falling from the sky like icing sugar from a sieve, dusting the earth, and then obliterating it.
It is beautiful.
I love snow. If I could, I would be out there making snowmen and having snowball fights. Unfortunately, I work in a hospital, and one thing I can guarantee: Hospitals do not have snow days. I had a half day today, though, because I had time owing. Unfortunately, because I felt terrible, courtesy of a blocked sinus-y cold, I spent most of the afternoon sleeping. But I watched the snow, and I smiled.
When it snows in the UK the country comes to a standstill. Snow is a rarity in the South-East, you see, and we simply aren't equipped for it. People go a little mad, and suddenly the local supermarket is devoid of bread and there are no buses in Central London.
But the hospital is still open, and so I still go to work. And that's fine, because (except for feeling really achy around the eyes due to aforementioned sinus issues) I really enjoy work. But I wish that I could have made a snowman. |
|
|
| More on cholesterol... |
[Nov. 9th, 2008|10:30 pm] |
Thank you for your messages; it's nice to know that I'm not alone. And thanks, Jo, for the compression tip - I shall bear it in mind!
I know that high cholesterol is not the end of the world, and I wasn't actually terribly surprised to discover that I have it. Both my parents are on statins (cholesterol lowering drugs), and my grandfather, great-grandfather and great-great-grandfather as well as my uncle all died from strokes or heart attacks. There is a genetic predisposition to cholesterol disaster. My little sister also has high cholesterol, but she DIDN'T get hers checked by our GP, and so she isn't being monitored. More fool her.
As a family, we don't eat a 'high fat' diet. We cook in vegetable oil, if we cook in oil at all, we regularly eat salad and pasta and good things. If I have a besetting sin, it is a weakness for pizza and desserts, but even there I've been working on reducing my intake. That makes it hard, because how do you lower your fat intake when it's not ridiculously high to start off with?
I'm looking into the f-plan diet, which is low-fat and high fibre, but I have a small problem there in that at the same appointment that the doctor decided that I needed a blood test, he also told me that I have IBS. Not that he's done anything about it, but I do know that some high fibre foods can also act as IBS triggers. Ha ha ha ha ha.
I work in the Imaging department of a busy hospital, working with the Vascular Consultants and Interventional Radiologists. I know that high cholesterol isn't a death sentence. I also know that it can cause all sorts of other problems, and believe me, if I can avoid an angiogram then I will! If that means eating nothing but salad for the rest of my life...I'd love to say that I'd do it, but that would be a lie.
In terms of exercise - I don't exercise as much as I should, but I'm working on that. As an asthmatic, I don't have the endurance for long runs. As an asthmatic who has hayfever triggers, I'm even more screwed. But as a human being, I recognise the importance of exercise and I do own a Wii Fit. Which I used religiously and then failed miserably with after contracting a cold. I will return to the Wii Fit. I will - it's meant to help you to lose weight and it's good for me because it's indoors and at hand.
Less fat, more exercise, less stress. That is the recipe to good health. I'm working on all three areas, so hopefully three months down the line I'll be in normal range and everything will pay off beautifully. |
|
|
| Hypercholestraemia? I don't have not stinkin'...oh, wait... |
[Nov. 8th, 2008|08:03 pm] |
Well, okay, I don't definitely have hypercholestraemia, but I do have high cholesterol at this moment in time. 5.7. The accepted normal range has an upper end of 5. So only a little high, but high enough that my doctor has stipulated a low fat diet for me. This may be more because of my family history than my slightly elevated cholesterol. Whatever. I was REALLY hoping to avoid this. Really hoping. But I knew there was a chance that I would be in the AT RISK category, so I guess it's not a great surprise. Just an annoying fact. Especially as it means I have to take another fasting blood test in three months. The last fasting blood test, which I had done on Wednesday, left a nice purple bruise, which is ever growing. And it bloody hurt. So I am not looking forward to the next one.
On the American election: Hurrah for Obama! I will reserve judgement until I have seen him in action, but it's a historical moment. The number of people at work who were really pleased...and we're in the UK!
On life in general: I have a job interview on Monday. Wish me luck! |
|
|
| “Many a person who goes on a diet finds out in short order that they are poor losers” - Anon |
[Aug. 28th, 2008|08:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
( Boring, food related stuff. Feel free to skip. )
Kind of related to the food related stuff, but too fun not to put outside of the cut, I went shopping yesterday to buy an outfit to wear tomorrow (as it is my birthday). I came home with ( these ).
Yes, people, I came home with a pair of shoes. Aubergine shoes. They are SO pretty. Not quite an outfit, but I did try on some tops and stuff, and looked like a frump in them. Shoes are so forgiving when you are a little lumpy around the old tummy.
So, yeah. Happy birthday, me. I've bought myself a couple of birthday presents (the wii, the wii fit, the shoes...) and am all set to enjoy the day. |
|
|
| Hurrah! |
[Aug. 27th, 2008|11:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
My wii console will be delivered today! Not quite the wii fit, but YAY all the same; I can make mii! And it is arriving before my birthday on Friday, so it really is my birthday present to myself. This makes me supremely happy.
The wii fit is still in France, but that's okay. I need time to get used to the console, anyway. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
